Growing up, I had Aichmophobia--a fear of needles/sharp objects--to the point that I would scream, hollar, struggle, cry, and run out of the room if given the chance. I just couldn't sit still when the shots came out. My skin tingled in frantic anticipation, my heart jumped like a jackrabbit, and my eyes doubled in size. My parents and a nurse or two would have to restrain me so that the doctor could help me.
But by seven, all that changed. My world was wrapped in fog--it was as if my senses were made of cotton, making it impossible to truly feel. Well, I take that back, I could feel nausea and thirst and pain just fine, but happiness and the like were nearly impossible to grasp. We went to the doctor; we got the news; my parents sped me to the hospital.
My body was killing me. Diabetes is a disease that essentially coerces the body into commiting suicide, where every mistep causes dangerous complications. But I wasn't scared for myself. I was terrified at the tears and runny noses and broken postures my parents couldn't hide. Even when the doctors filled the first syringe with insulin, I didn't care. When it pierced my arm deep, stinging my muscle, I didn't care. I just wanted the fog to clear and my parents to be okay.
Needless to say, I no longer have Aichmophobia. When you go a decade giving yourself shots and hanging out in hospitals, silly fears ebb away. I still fret over my mom, but she's strong and so am I. We'll get through this.
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I remember being like that around needles, it actually seems kinda funny now. Thanks for sharing your very sad, very personal battle with us. (Not to mention I'm very glad you're OK now.) I really don't know anything about it but I was wondering if it is normal to get diabetes at seven, I always thought it was supposed to develope either earlier or later than that.
ReplyDeleteYou're a very good writer. This can't even compare, but I had a serious fear of dogs when I was younger. Even at the sight of a dog I start crying and running away. I hated that I had this fear, because it wasn't a common fear, and I felt like a huge hassle because I couldn't go to any of my friends houses because I was too afraid of their pets. I felt ridiculous. Finally one day a german shepherd started sprinting towards me. I wanted to run away, but I decided I should be strong and just stand there. The dog didn't push me down, it just sniffed me. If I would of ran away, I still could be afraid of dogs today, and that would just be ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I know that my stupid little fear doesn't compare to yours, but fears are definately a relatable thing. Most of the time, we we enter the teenage years, we get over them. I'm glad that you got over your fear and that you're alright.
@Sierra: Well, I had to share something, and this something was a pretty big, pretty poignant something. ;) But no prob. (And thanks. Me, too.) As for it being normal, yeah, I guess. Type 1 Diabetes happens in youth, anywhere from birth to your late teens, methinks. Try to avoid it. :P Shots suck.
ReplyDelete@Bridget: Thanks for the compliment. Honestly though, fear is fear is fear, and it doesn't matter how "silly" it seems--it can be a very real, very painful thing for anyone. ;P I mean, gosh, to this day I'm scared silly of clowns. Yeah. Old guys in crazy make-up and big, Rudolph-esque noses. Terrifying.
Yeah, I have way too many rediculous fears. For example: Rollercosters, Hights, Public Speaking, Glass Elevators, Spiders, and probably others I'm forgeting. (and my sister is afraid of clowns too, actually last time I checked it was anyone in those creepy costumes like Chuck"E"Cheese)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean! I'm afraid of needles, too, though perhaps less frightful than you've described.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of descriptions, you painted a picture in my mind so clearly! You've got a talent for descriptions, and your writing style is so interesting! "Tingled in frantic anticipation" is so colorful! I like it.
But why was happiness impossible to grasp?
And I like the way you finished--somber yet hopeful. I hope to read more.
~Judit